COLUMN SIX: Tongue in cheek, or cheeky tongue

Memorable man memory research results explained

Special to the VOICE

Much research has been done on “man memory,” or the lack of it.

Man memory research has spanned the decades and has been conducted by several reputable institutions like the Mayo Clinic, Stanford University, and the University of Toronto, etc.

The research from these honored institutions shows, on the whole, most men have lousy, lousy memories, amnesiac, or in younger males, intermittent recall at best.

“Mom. I don’t know how that pan of leftover lasagna got under my bed.”

What jumps off the pages of these extensive research manuscripts, the findings confirm the frustrations I have, and many concerns of my gal-pals who also have had some not-so-nice experiences arising from man memory, or lack of it.

At book club, there have been numerous occasions when the discussion of the book fizzled out (especially if the book was a stinker) to make way for conversation about man memory and the trail of emotional destruction it leaves behind, especially when the men in our lives forget to put the toilet seat down and change the toilet paper roll when it is empty. Or, just as annoying, forget to put their beer cans in the recycle bin instead of piling them on the kitchen counter in what they claim to be an artistic pyramid of aluminum.

Stemming from the results of these studies, a heads-up for men, or a slap-up-the-head for men, male memory loss can cause horrendous consequences for their domestic well being.

Researchers have discovered men often forget their wives’ birthdays or even their own anniversaries. Researchers also discovered that the men who forget to turn off lights when they leave a room or forget to get the propane tank for the BBQ filled when company is coming, claimed they suffered from sudden memory and errand memory blackout syndrome.

In many of the groups of men who were surveyed and tested on the multiple types of man memory loss, the predominating man memory failure that surfaced time and time again, was forgetting to show up for an appointment at the marriage councillor’s office.

Yes, men are forgetful. It is a proven fact.

After the research on “man memory” was identified, developed, and reported upon, the studies concluded the following. Although men may forget to take the dog out for a pee, or even forget the names of their own kids, most men will never forget the last time they had sex. It was also vigorously documented in all these scientific studies, men will always remember the year, the day, the hour and the minute the Toronto Maple Leafs won a Stanley Cup.

In addition to this unique ability to remember accurately sports statistics and remember verbatim dialogue from all X-Men movies, men will never forget to stop off at the beer store to pick up a case, when, in the first place, they were sent off to Sobeys to get a cake mix for their wife so she can bake her own birthday cake.

Man memory, or the lack of it, is a proven fact. Man memory is lousy. The research stands on its own.

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The Voice of Pelham
Pelham's independent news source from the heart of Niagara.