Rowing is a fake sport that only exists to help privileged white parents get their kids into Ivy League schools. That’s what I wrote in an unusually scathing (even for me) column several years ago. Looking back on it, I really went hard on that one. I described school rowing programs as “athletic welfare” for rich folks. Harsh, I know.
But that was a younger me, a wilder me; an infantile columnist courting controversy for larks.
In retrospect, reading my old rowing column again today… actually I was dead on, nailed it 100 per cent. It was a perfect column. Everything I said was true and I stand by every word.
After that column was published, an old white man who is very likely the richest and most powerful person in Niagara, emailed me to say how offended he was, because rowing is a noble sport and that his two granddaughters were rowers at Harvard.
He failed to see the irony there, and didn’t have enough self awareness to realize he was only further proving my point.
That infamous column, published back in 2019, caused an enormous kerfuffle across Niagara. For reasons I still don’t understand, it also earned me an invitation to the St. Catharines Rowing Club’s annual Captain’s Dinner, a swanky affair where I was seated at the head table with club president Rick Crooker and several former Olympic rowers. But that’s another story for another time.
The reason I’ve reluctantly circled back to the subject of rowing is to pitch my two cents into the debate about whether or not Pelham taxpayers should be financially supporting the rowing program at E.L. Crossley.
As reported yesterday, students from the school recently went to a council meeting where they turned out their pockets and pleaded poverty. They told some sob story about their boats falling apart mid-race which caused them to lose. Boo-hoo. Cry me a river, then take your busted up boats and float down that river of tears until you find someone who cares, because I don’t.
What makes rowing so special that Pelham taxpayers should be financing its continued existence as a school sport? Nothing.
What makes rowing so special that Pelham taxpayers should be financing its continued existence as a school sport?
Aren’t Pelham taxpayers already overburdened with paying for the Meridian Community Centre boondoggle for the next 30 years? Do we really want to add boats and oars and crew jackets to the public payroll also?
Of course not. Municipalities shouldn't be kicking in any money towards the school system, for rowing or otherwise. Education falls under provincial jurisdiction, so if you wanna beg for pennies for rowing, go to Queen’s Park.
This is the same reason I was appalled when Fort Erie’s council agreed to fund a $3 million arts theatre at the Town’s new high school. Municipalities getting financially involved in the education system is a road we don’t want to go down.
If Pelham councillors agree to fund E.L. Crossley’s rowing program, how would they justify not also funding the soccer program or the chess club? The obvious difference being that soccer balls and chess boards are cheap, while a new boat for the rowing club costs $50,000.
So if you’re a high school rower who is concerned with the financial sustainability of your hobby, I would suggest grabbing a pair of cleats or learning chess so you’ve got a backup. Otherwise, I’d start fundraising.
Heck, I’ll even help out. If any E.L. Crossley students want to contact me, I’ll happily pass on the contact information for a local millionaire (whose granddaughters maybe still row at Harvard!) who would surely be happy to toss a few dollars your way.
James Culic dropped out of the Brockville Rowing Club crew to join the chess club. Find out how to yell at him at the bottom of this page, or row yourself together a letter to the editor.
